I was born in a family that considers girls and boys equal and believes in fair opportunities for all. I also married into one where girls and women are supported and encouraged in all their endeavors. I have never felt any sort of conscious discrimination about being a girl or a woman at school, college, or the workplace. I have always grabbed opportunities that came my way; my husband, parents, and in-laws have always been encouraging and happy to see my professional growth.
However, a recent incident at my workplace, during leadership training for a group of women, where they shared their perspectives with me, was revelatory and has prompted me to question my assumptions about myself.
Though I don’t doubt the potential or capabilities of women one bit, women often have to make more compromises and difficult decisions if they want to progress in their careers and achieve greater heights
Women face both external and internal challenges that can impede their ability to climb the corporate or career ladder. External factors include marriage, motherhood, women-related health issues, inflexible organizational policies, and workplace discrimination by men (based on insights shared by my trainees, mostly from the manufacturing industries in India). Internally, factors like limiting beliefs, imposter syndrome, insecurities, and guilt trips also contribute. Sometimes, the obstacles women face are more internal than external.
I do view the other side of the coin. I know women who serve as symbols of inspiration around me. Some of my friends are entrepreneurs, single mothers excelling in their careers, or top leaders of organizations. Despite facing these same challenges, they do not compromise on their work and have done, and continue to do, all that it takes to rise and sustain their positions.
Refreshingly, there have been moments when I was the only woman among a group of important men — during meetings, panel discussions, etc. I had felt ‘proud’ about being the only member of my gender.
While sharing this thought with my participants during a leadership workshop for women, two women mentioned they had experienced similar situations but had never felt happy or proud about being the only ‘woman’ amongst a group of men. That’s when I realized I had been operating under a sense of false pride.
Equity isn’t about comparing yourself with men (because that already puts them on a higher pedestal), but about not feeling the need to compare yourself with anyone at all.
I’m forever grateful to these two participants for subtly making me realize this. I can now teach my daughter the true definition of equity — what equity really means.
Before this realization, I had never consciously thought, even for a minute, that I was deprived of any opportunity to study or work because I am a woman. But perhaps it’s our societal construct — or maybe my own limiting beliefs and social conditioning — that subtly made me feel ‘special’ when I felt proud of being the only woman among a group of notable men. It was as if something quietly told me, ‘Hey, be happy, you’re privileged to be the only woman here in this crowd!
I still ponder what gave me that feeling, despite being brought up in families that believe in gender equity. Is it social conditioning, or some unconscious bias deeply buried in my system? If so, what influenced it? I continue to think about it as I learn from different perspectives and viewpoints on gender equity and evolve as a freethinking woman
